Aurora Sinai Medical Center issued the following announcement on April 7.
Friendships take work, but breakups can be even tougher.
The realization that you and a friend are growing apart is either the time to come together or call it quits. Ending a friendship can be difficult and filled with emotions.
When you feel a friendship faltering, use these tips from Gayle Johnson, a professional counselor with Aurora Health Care, to take a critical look and handle a potentially uncomfortable situation like an adult.
Signs of a broken friendship
Often, perception is reality. If one friend is feeling a disconnect, it’s likely there. If you see somebody out of obligation, need to psyche yourself up, feel exhausted afterwards or flat out don’t enjoy their company, it’s time to take a step back. You may also not like how you behave when you’re around your friend. Other signs are more subtle, like if one person in the friendship is making more or all the effort to connect. Toxic behavior like intruding and controlling a friend’s time or behavior is abuse. Even unsavory social media posts can create a rift that signals you need to step back.
Do I need to have a “formal” breakup?
Whether you’ve been friends for years or a couple months, it’s important to read the room. When two people grow apart and the lack of interest feels mutual, it’s alright to let the friendship naturally fade away. If you enjoy spending time with somebody, but there’s something causing an issue, have a conversation. You are friends, after all! Share your thoughts, listen to the other person, set new boundaries, and build upon your friendship from there. However, if the feelings are one-sided and you and your friend aren’t on the same page, then it might be time to have an actual friend breakup.
How to break up with a friend
You’re not in high school anymore. Everybody deserves respect and to be treated like an adult. Don’t cut things off abruptly without explaining why. Take time to calm down, collect your thoughts and be clear about what you are feeling. If possible, meet in-person rather than talk on the phone or via text. If you are in an abusive friendship, be safe and skip the face-to-face meeting and send an email or letter. No matter what, be polite, firm, and clear about why you are ending the friendship.
“If the break-up is non-negotiable, be certain to make it about you and your needs, not about the other person,” said Johnson. “If it is about them, then they may try to make excuses, promises or corrections to your perceptions.”
Obviously, things might go sideways. Your friend might not see this coming, feel hurt and even lash out. However difficult, your friends – and their future friends – will all benefit from a healthy breakup.
Find more resources and learn about our behavioral services here.
Original source can be found here.
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